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posted to Etiquette Instructors on 01/09/10 06:58 AM, Dobbs Ferry, NY 10522

I, unlike many of my circle, don't wish to be available via cellphone, email, textmessage, facebook etc.etc. more than two or three times a day. Yet, I seem to be raising the ire of people, by wishing to focus on my work mostly uninterupted during the day. ..is there a socially acceptable way to inform people that i am not at the beck and call of outside forces, even freindly ones? I thought of honestly leaving a message on my voicemail, that it only gets checked in the mornings once and once in the afternoon.. but am being told this is unacceptable. Do I have to be ON all the time, or what would you advise. Thanks! :)

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Answered By

Lynn Ball, 01/09/10 04:33 PM

Lynn Ball
611 W147th St.
New York, NY 10031
212-939-9848
lynn@bigbridge-fs.com

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You are within your rights to chosse how and when you communicate and interact with others. I assume that you have already given thought to persons to whom you migh grant exceptions.

Since it is true that others may think your rules of engagement are not the norm, you bear the burden of training them. This is likely to take time and some patience and resolve on your part. First, state the positive: "I may be reached at the following number only. Messages are checked twice a day; please be succinct." Then state particulars: "Messages left at any other number are not checked." "No love or attention is paid to text messages -- they will die unread." etc. Once so stated, you must hang tough. Do not give out information on the keys to your kingdom, i.e. keep that cell number (or whatever) to yourself. Do not acknowledge messages that reach you in any manner other than the ones you've sanctioned, and by all means, you must be strong enough to ignore any complaints. Suggestion: You left a message? Really?? Perhaps you didn't get my memo...."

Factually, most of what people have to say is inconsequential. Those items of consequence typically are not changed through chatter.

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