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   Question    posted to Life Coaches on 11/20/08 02:56 PM, Yonkers, NY 10701
I am a 20 yo female and a few days ago I had unprotected sex with my current boyfriend and the situation is that we might be pregnant and we are bumping heads because he does not want a kid right now for the simple fact that we are not financially there yet and he does not want to struggle. I keep telling him don't think like that and he just wont listen. When i tell him i want to keep it he says he will be angry with me and not speak to me for a while. At first we agreed to an abortion but i changed my mind because I've had two in the past and i will be attached to this one. I want to keep the baby but at the same time i don't want him to leave me. what should i do, an abortion, keep it or adoption. please help.
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Specialist Answer 1 of 1
   Answered By     Susan Marlowe Fitness Club For Women, 11/20/08 04:41 PM

 

  • Hi,
  •   I am so sorry that you are stressed and overwhelmed with this personal situation.  I suggest that you write down the 3 options and think through how your life would change after each one. For example,you indicated that one of your options were to keep it-what are the financial expectations-there are several websites that can assist in researching government programs and Family help services that provide free health insurance for pregnant women and free health insurance for infants and children. There are also programs like WIC women infants and children that exist in Westchester county. Of course,the other consideration are your friends and family support. Do they offer a support system for helping you through the pregnancy and childcare after you have the baby? Make a list  of how you envision your own work or school (for example being put on hold). Not understanding the dynamics of your entire situation it is difficult to assess how your life would be or not be compromised by having a child at this time. Being a mom,I will share, is the most wonderful part of my life. My personal advice is to have a support system in place, so, you can enjoy motherhood. In an ideal situation having a boyfriend or spouse support your decision would be ideal. However,not all situations are easy. That is why you must make the final decision. No person can make the decision for you. As per your question and comments -it seems that you have changed your mind and you want to keep it because of your past 2 abortions. If that is true,I suggest that you explain that to your partner, so, that he has all the information that you are using to rationalize your thinking. Another option is to seek out a therapist that you can see together,like a family counselor. Discussing this in a calm way with a 3rd party can help you both communicate and understand each others concerns.
  • Certainly,your option to have an abortion is an option, as you have before. In this case I suggest that you discuss the considerations with a medical doctor as to the safety and implications of your health and your future pregnancies. Adoption is also an option as you have indicated. Have you discussed this with your boyfriend? Many families that want to adopt may also assist in financially supporting you throughout your pregnancy.
  • Try to stay calm and focused. Seek out professionals to give you the best information and always know you have options. Believe in yourself!
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